Girls, I have thought about you so much in the last few days. It almost seems like I am "abused " with you. In the Psalms 74:10-18 it seems at times that God is slow to answer on our behalf, but what is slow to us is perfect to God. I can become so impatient at times. I want to make things happen. I want to help God out. As if God needs my help!! It is hard to wait for God to act, but He gave me this; and I must not give up. When God is silent and you are in deep anguish follow the method in this psalm.

I knew the moment I saw the girls pictures they were part of our family. I had no idea how this was going to happen, and I still really don't, but when God gives you a promise He will deliver on it. That much I do know. In my prayer time one morning, God told me to get the church directory out and he would show me who he wanted me to ask to pray for Tim. I went and got 15 prayer cards made with the girls' pictures on them and passed them out. I gave them all strict instructions not to tell anyone, as it could not get back to Tim. So, the first few days I am thinking he is going to come to me any day and say, "Let's go to Ukraine and bring our girls home." Well guess what? That did not happen! So a few more days, and back to the store for more cards. Now I have 35 of the cards out and still instructions to not discuss with anyone. So far so good. Everyone is keeping quiet. I asked Tim if he had been praying for our girls that week; and he said, "OUR girls?" I thought I had almost blown it. I responded, "Well, aren't they are girls, as we are the ones praying for them, right?" He paused for a second and said, "You're right." Whew! I got out of that one. Then he said, "No. I had forgotten to be praying for them." I mean... you could have just ran me over with a car. Well, God said go get some more made. Now we are up to FIFTY. How long is this going to take?

I thought some how, some way I missed God on this one. I was trying to hear from God, but did I allow Satan in, thinking it was God? No, it couldn't be that! Tim and I seemed to be getting along great; and the family was doing okay for the most part, but at church, I would go pray, and then Tim would go pray. We just weren't going to the altar together. We prayed with different people at different times. I wonder if people thought we were having trouble? Then, I questioned if we were and I had missed that too, as that had happened once before, several years ago. I just felt like I was going crazy! All I could do was think of our girls, our family, our life.

I am here to tell you that on June 29, 2009 GOD "showed up" and "showed out" at church that night. I could feel His presence all around me. I had prayed with several people that day, about the girls and Tim. Buster had the choir come out of the loft and circle the congregation and sing praises over us. I could feel God's arms around me as He held me tight and told me He was right here. He would never leave me, nor our girls. He told me it was time for me to sit down and have a talk with Tim and tell him my feelings. That it would be okay. I questioned Him on that. I also reminded Him I wanted Tim to come to me and tell me, that I wanted to be a submissive wife. I have never been good at that; and I was trying to be so. I was not making anything happen, other than prayer. He said I had done as He wanted for long enough. Now was the time to tell Tim. [I guess He thought Tim might never come to me!! :-) ] Again, I questioned Him. That's not always a good thing. He told me to go talk to a friend of ours, so I did. I started to tell the man some of what was going on, but he already knew. I thought some how someone must have told Tim, and the two of them had talked, but he said no. He just knew it because it came from God, and it would be okay. Tim would be fine. I said, "Why don't you tell him. He won't kill you!" He replied, "He won't kill you either." I am thinking, "Yeah, right. You don't live with him."

So, as we were leaving church that night, I told God, "If You want me to do this, then don't let Tim find anyone to go eat with," as we always go somewhere to eat with someone. I just knew I was safe, or so I thought, anyway. NOT!! Tim walked right out of church and to the car. Well then, I said, have him go to the Mexican restaurant by Fred's. Guess where we went? "OK, God, so let us not find anyone to eat with." Yes, our friends, the Windhams, are walking up. No, they weren't coming to eat. They were going to the store next door! "So, one last test, God, put us at a table with no one else real close so we can talk." You got the idea? We were all alone, hidden in a back corner of the restaurant. I started to sit across from him, but I had the keys. That would have been way too easy. I could have went to the bathroom and left him there to walk home! :-) So I moved next to him. We ordered our food; and I just knew he thought something had to be up. My voice was that of a school girl, all crackly. Then it was time. I started out with, "Do you remember when we went to Mexico a few years ago, and that last day and night, how busy we were? How we never even said good morning that day, let alone had a conversation? He said, "Yes?" I continued, "Well, do you remember as we were leaving the block party we were saying goodbye to everyone, and I hugged Moisés and said that when we got home I would look into bringing him up to our house to finish his senior year?" Again, he said, "Yes?" with a little more hesitation in his voice. I said I had not done that, YET!!! I said God told me we are to adopt the girls we are praying for. "Really?" was about all he could get out at that moment. I told him some of the things I had been going through and my feelings. So, he gave me a good husband and deacon answer, "I will pray about it." I was hoping for more, but that was at least a start. On the way home in the car I said we should tell the boys, as it will start getting out at church. "What do you mean?" he said. "Well, I have had several people praying for you," I replied. "Like who?" he inquired. So I named a few, and then a few more. "Why don't you tell me who you don't have praying for me. That might be a shorter list! He joked. "Not many," I said. The boys took the news well enough. They are a lot like their mom, only they bring stray animals home. I bring people home who are in need. I have done that all of my life! If that was on the spiritual gift test I am sure I would score 100+!

Monday night, while out at Home Depot, we ran into some friends from church. Of course I am about to burst at the news of us adopting our girls. Remember, Tim is only praying about it. I am already on with the plan and half way there. I said to Tim, "Tell them what we are doing." I thought if he said it he would be taking ownership of it. He says, "We are talking about adopting two girls." The couple was very happy for us. We chit chat for a few minutes, say our goodbyes, walk around the corner, and look out... Not what I thought was going to happen. He was not happy, to say the least. He tells me he is only praying; and I need to settle down. I have done so much in my mind in just over two weeks. I am in shock. Well, we didn't really talk too much on Tuesday night, but on Wednesday I called a friend who had wanted to get together for dinner for a while. We made plans to meet after church. I wanted to tell her about the girls so she could pray for them and Tim, which I felt he needed a lot of. We get to dinner; and we are visiting. Tim and Glen are in a Bible study together on Thursday nights. So, as we are sitting at the table, he looks at Glen and asks if he could plan on teaching for a few weeks this fall. That if everything went right he hoped we would be in Ukraine to pick up OUR GIRLS to bring them home before Christmas. At first it didn't register what he said, but when it did I just about jumped out of my skin.

I will just tell you when GOD comes in he can change everything. What I saw as a hopeless situation GOD has blessed. As it turns out Tim has known since June 16th that the girls were to come and be our daughters. Part of the family God wanted us to be. So we are working toward that. Tim fought with God a lot on this. I can't say just Tim. I have done my share even though I know and I have never really questioned it. I have had my moments.

Lynn