Girls, I have thought about you so much in the last few days. It almost seems like I am "abused " with you. In the Psalms 74:10-18 it seems at times that God is slow to answer on our behalf, but what is slow to us is perfect to God. I can become so impatient at times. I want to make things happen. I want to help God out. As if God needs my help!! It is hard to wait for God to act, but He gave me this; and I must not give up. When God is silent and you are in deep anguish follow the method in this psalm.
I knew the moment I saw the girls pictures they were part of our family. I had no idea how this was going to happen, and I still really don't, but when God gives you a promise He will deliver on it. That much I do know. In my prayer time one morning, God told me to get the church directory out and he would show me who he wanted me to ask to pray for Tim. I went and got 15 prayer cards made with the girls' pictures on them and passed them out. I gave them all strict instructions not to tell anyone, as it could not get back to Tim. So, the first few days I am thinking he is going to come to me any day and say, "Let's go to Ukraine and bring our girls home." Well guess what? That did not happen! So a few more days, and back to the store for more cards. Now I have 35 of the cards out and still instructions to not discuss with anyone. So far so good. Everyone is keeping quiet. I asked Tim if he had been praying for our girls that week; and he said, "OUR girls?" I thought I had almost blown it. I responded, "Well, aren't they are girls, as we are the ones praying for them, right?" He paused for a second and said, "You're right." Whew! I got out of that one. Then he said, "No. I had forgotten to be praying for them." I mean... you could have just ran me over with a car. Well, God said go get some more made. Now we are up to FIFTY. How long is this going to take?
I thought some how, some way I missed God on this one. I was trying to hear from God, but did I allow Satan in, thinking it was God? No, it couldn't be that! Tim and I seemed to be getting along great; and the family was doing okay for the most part, but at church, I would go pray, and then Tim would go pray. We just weren't going to the altar together. We prayed with different people at different times. I wonder if people thought we were having trouble? Then, I questioned if we were and I had missed that too, as that had happened once before, several years ago. I just felt like I was going crazy! All I could do was think of our girls, our family, our life.
I am here to tell you that on June 29, 2009 GOD "showed up" and "showed out" at church that night. I could feel His presence all around me. I had prayed with several people that day, about the girls and Tim. Buster had the choir come out of the loft and circle the congregation and sing praises over us. I could feel God's arms around me as He held me tight and told me He was right here. He would never leave me, nor our girls. He told me it was time for me to sit down and have a talk with Tim and tell him my feelings. That it would be okay. I questioned Him on that. I also reminded Him I wanted Tim to come to me and tell me, that I wanted to be a submissive wife. I have never been good at that; and I was trying to be so. I was not making anything happen, other than prayer. He said I had done as He wanted for long enough. Now was the time to tell Tim. [I guess He thought Tim might never come to me!! :-) ] Again, I questioned Him. That's not always a good thing. He told me to go talk to a friend of ours, so I did. I started to tell the man some of what was going on, but he already knew. I thought some how someone must have told Tim, and the two of them had talked, but he said no. He just knew it because it came from God, and it would be okay. Tim would be fine. I said, "Why don't you tell him. He won't kill you!" He replied, "He won't kill you either." I am thinking, "Yeah, right. You don't live with him."
So, as we were leaving church that night, I told God, "If You want me to do this, then don't let Tim find anyone to go eat with," as we always go somewhere to eat with someone. I just knew I was safe, or so I thought, anyway. NOT!! Tim walked right out of church and to the car. Well then, I said, have him go to the Mexican restaurant by Fred's. Guess where we went? "OK, God, so let us not find anyone to eat with." Yes, our friends, the Windhams, are walking up. No, they weren't coming to eat. They were going to the store next door! "So, one last test, God, put us at a table with no one else real close so we can talk." You got the idea? We were all alone, hidden in a back corner of the restaurant. I started to sit across from him, but I had the keys. That would have been way too easy. I could have went to the bathroom and left him there to walk home! :-) So I moved next to him. We ordered our food; and I just knew he thought something had to be up. My voice was that of a school girl, all crackly. Then it was time. I started out with, "Do you remember when we went to Mexico a few years ago, and that last day and night, how busy we were? How we never even said good morning that day, let alone had a conversation? He said, "Yes?" I continued, "Well, do you remember as we were leaving the block party we were saying goodbye to everyone, and I hugged Moisés and said that when we got home I would look into bringing him up to our house to finish his senior year?" Again, he said, "Yes?" with a little more hesitation in his voice. I said I had not done that, YET!!! I said God told me we are to adopt the girls we are praying for. "Really?" was about all he could get out at that moment. I told him some of the things I had been going through and my feelings. So, he gave me a good husband and deacon answer, "I will pray about it." I was hoping for more, but that was at least a start. On the way home in the car I said we should tell the boys, as it will start getting out at church. "What do you mean?" he said. "Well, I have had several people praying for you," I replied. "Like who?" he inquired. So I named a few, and then a few more. "Why don't you tell me who you don't have praying for me. That might be a shorter list! He joked. "Not many," I said. The boys took the news well enough. They are a lot like their mom, only they bring stray animals home. I bring people home who are in need. I have done that all of my life! If that was on the spiritual gift test I am sure I would score 100+!
Monday night, while out at Home Depot, we ran into some friends from church. Of course I am about to burst at the news of us adopting our girls. Remember, Tim is only praying about it. I am already on with the plan and half way there. I said to Tim, "Tell them what we are doing." I thought if he said it he would be taking ownership of it. He says, "We are talking about adopting two girls." The couple was very happy for us. We chit chat for a few minutes, say our goodbyes, walk around the corner, and look out... Not what I thought was going to happen. He was not happy, to say the least. He tells me he is only praying; and I need to settle down. I have done so much in my mind in just over two weeks. I am in shock. Well, we didn't really talk too much on Tuesday night, but on Wednesday I called a friend who had wanted to get together for dinner for a while. We made plans to meet after church. I wanted to tell her about the girls so she could pray for them and Tim, which I felt he needed a lot of. We get to dinner; and we are visiting. Tim and Glen are in a Bible study together on Thursday nights. So, as we are sitting at the table, he looks at Glen and asks if he could plan on teaching for a few weeks this fall. That if everything went right he hoped we would be in Ukraine to pick up OUR GIRLS to bring them home before Christmas. At first it didn't register what he said, but when it did I just about jumped out of my skin.
I will just tell you when GOD comes in he can change everything. What I saw as a hopeless situation GOD has blessed. As it turns out Tim has known since June 16th that the girls were to come and be our daughters. Part of the family God wanted us to be. So we are working toward that. Tim fought with God a lot on this. I can't say just Tim. I have done my share even though I know and I have never really questioned it. I have had my moments.
Lynn
Monday, June 22, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
It is 6:15 in the morning on Friday and I am sitting in the carport. My mom and I are going to have a garage sale today. I planned on setting up after I had come home from church last night, but came in to no power. So, I got up at 5:00 this morning and performed the set up. I was all ready to take the tarps down when it dawned on me that I didn't have any change. Mom had it all with her. So I will stay closed till she gets here. It is so hot here and humid. I sit here wondering what the weather is like in Ukraine. Do the girls have air conditioning where they are, or do they even know what that is? What about a fan? Is it as humid there as we get here? Do they have to stay outside all day, or are they allowed to go inside to cool off? What about in the winter? How cold is it there? Do they get snow? What about clothes? Do they have what they need for each season, in the size they need? So many questions, and no way to really get the answers I want. God is teaching me to trust Him that they are OK. They are His children; and He will provide for their needs.
I wonder what they know about God? Are there any missionaries in those smaller towns to visit them, or do they stick to the larger towns where they can affect more children? I hope the girls are not "lost in the cracks". I pray they are not mad at God for taking their parents away from them, and that they have no other family to go to, so they get placed in a home with a lot of other kids who are all in the same condition. All the kids need and deserve a good home. I am sure the hearts of many of the workers there have hardened for they would almost have to in order to be able to do that kind of job. I figure some do it just because it is a job, and they need the money, and have no love or even like for these kids. Or you would think they would want to bring every child home, which of course they could not do. But do the girls even have one adult there they can go to that will give them a hug and tell them it will really be OK, that God loves them and wants the best for them? Do they cry themselves to sleep at night, not even being able to be together? What about a bear, or a doll, to hug and hold, anything that is truly theirs alone? I sit and cry as I think of them there all alone, in the dark at night with nothing, but the name their parents gave them.
As a mom, I feel myself falling so much more in love with them each day. I am trying not to, but I don't know how to stop it. I just want to go, and hug them, and tell them it will be OK. But will it?
Lynn
I wonder what they know about God? Are there any missionaries in those smaller towns to visit them, or do they stick to the larger towns where they can affect more children? I hope the girls are not "lost in the cracks". I pray they are not mad at God for taking their parents away from them, and that they have no other family to go to, so they get placed in a home with a lot of other kids who are all in the same condition. All the kids need and deserve a good home. I am sure the hearts of many of the workers there have hardened for they would almost have to in order to be able to do that kind of job. I figure some do it just because it is a job, and they need the money, and have no love or even like for these kids. Or you would think they would want to bring every child home, which of course they could not do. But do the girls even have one adult there they can go to that will give them a hug and tell them it will really be OK, that God loves them and wants the best for them? Do they cry themselves to sleep at night, not even being able to be together? What about a bear, or a doll, to hug and hold, anything that is truly theirs alone? I sit and cry as I think of them there all alone, in the dark at night with nothing, but the name their parents gave them.
As a mom, I feel myself falling so much more in love with them each day. I am trying not to, but I don't know how to stop it. I just want to go, and hug them, and tell them it will be OK. But will it?
Lynn
Thursday, June 18, 2009
On June 14th, I woke up that morning with a really bad headache. I had had it all weekend; and it would not go away. I knew that a young woman would be in Sunday school that day to talk about her experiences visiting orphanages in Ukraine, but I still could not make myself get up to go to church that morning. As I laid there in bed, I wondered if Tim would pick a girl for us to pray for, or if he would get a boy. Whenever I picked, I always went for a girl, as God never seemed to give me one; and that was OK. I have two wonderful sons, Justin who is 25 and Christopher who is 20.
When Tim came home from church, we went to have lunch with Christopher and my parents. While we were sitting there, he talked about the young woman and the class. He said she had showed a video this time, which she had not the last time she had visited our class. I was then really sorry that I had allowed Satan to keep me from going to class, but little did I realize that what Satan had planned to tear down, GOD planned to build up. Tim mentioned the prayer card he took had 2 children; and they were siblings a brother and sister. I fell in love at first sight. God started working in me in ways I can not even begin to explain. I kept looking at the picture all throughout the afternoon and evening. The children were even in my dreams that night.
The next day we received an email from the young woman telling us all about the children. As I read it, I thought, "Wait a minute!! I thought Tim had said it was a boy and a girl!" The email clarified their names are Kristina and Alyona. I knew Kristina was a girls name, but, as I don't speak Russian, I wasn't sure if Alyona was a boy's or girl's name. Although, some people don't think I speak very good English, either. At half way through the first page of the letter, I heard a voice tell me to, "GO GET THEM. THEY ARE YOURS". I looked around the room to find I was the only one there. I kept reading, figuring the noise must have been "gas"! Then, I heard it again, "GO GET THEM. THEY ARE YOURS". Again I looked around the room, and I was still the only one there. So... on I kept reading; and, well, I will just tell you it gets really strange! The last line of the letter says, "If you or anyone you know is interested in adoption, I am happy to help in any way I can." Hang on... A third time I hear, "GO GET THEM. THEY ARE YOURS NOW!!!" I don't know about you, but if you are home alone, and you hear voices, you begin to question your sanity! I have heard that voice, in that tone, only a few other times in my life: when I made my earthly father mad; and when I made my heavenly father made. Usually when I had been told me to do something, and I hadn't. By the 3rd time he was not happy get the picture.
By the time I had I finished reading I was crying because I found out that both of their parents had passed away and they had no other family. They had been together at Orphanage #4, but then one day Kristina was sent away to a place in Balta; and Alyona then went to Kiliya. They now live about 300 miles away from each other. They have no way to keep in contact so they will lose touch with each other. The letter talked about how Kristina used to take good care of her little sister, always looking out for her. There was such sadness in their eyes, like dark spots that went all the way to their toes. I just can't explain it except to say it was a "mom feeling". If they were closer I could go see them, but they are half way around the world!
When Moisés left for college, after living with us for a year, I swore that I would never, never let my feelings get out of control again; and especially for two girls I would never see, talk to, nor even get to hold! The email described where the girls were; and that it would be very difficult to get letters or packages to them. So how could I even begin to think of caring for them? After all, they were were just "pictures" on my refrigerator. I spent all day struggling not to sit at my desk and stare at their pictures, and not reread the letter to see if I missed something. Anything. By the time Tim got home, I knew I WAS IN BIG TROUBLE. They were "my" girls. God had told me so all day, but I told Him that for once in my life I was not going to "make" this happen. Tim had to fall in love with them and come tell me we had to go bring them home. This time I intended to be the submissive wife. I wanted this to be a GOD thing, not a man thing. As a man thing this might be considered "easy". There clearly would be nothing easy about this. Plus, I had no idea if Tim would even be open to the idea.
I just want to glorify God in all I do. So let the journey begin. I hope you will follow along on the story of our girls. I am sure God will make it a best seller, at least it will be to the Loecher family and to our two new daughters!
Lynn
When Tim came home from church, we went to have lunch with Christopher and my parents. While we were sitting there, he talked about the young woman and the class. He said she had showed a video this time, which she had not the last time she had visited our class. I was then really sorry that I had allowed Satan to keep me from going to class, but little did I realize that what Satan had planned to tear down, GOD planned to build up. Tim mentioned the prayer card he took had 2 children; and they were siblings a brother and sister. I fell in love at first sight. God started working in me in ways I can not even begin to explain. I kept looking at the picture all throughout the afternoon and evening. The children were even in my dreams that night.
The next day we received an email from the young woman telling us all about the children. As I read it, I thought, "Wait a minute!! I thought Tim had said it was a boy and a girl!" The email clarified their names are Kristina and Alyona. I knew Kristina was a girls name, but, as I don't speak Russian, I wasn't sure if Alyona was a boy's or girl's name. Although, some people don't think I speak very good English, either. At half way through the first page of the letter, I heard a voice tell me to, "GO GET THEM. THEY ARE YOURS". I looked around the room to find I was the only one there. I kept reading, figuring the noise must have been "gas"! Then, I heard it again, "GO GET THEM. THEY ARE YOURS". Again I looked around the room, and I was still the only one there. So... on I kept reading; and, well, I will just tell you it gets really strange! The last line of the letter says, "If you or anyone you know is interested in adoption, I am happy to help in any way I can." Hang on... A third time I hear, "GO GET THEM. THEY ARE YOURS NOW!!!" I don't know about you, but if you are home alone, and you hear voices, you begin to question your sanity! I have heard that voice, in that tone, only a few other times in my life: when I made my earthly father mad; and when I made my heavenly father made. Usually when I had been told me to do something, and I hadn't. By the 3rd time he was not happy get the picture.
By the time I had I finished reading I was crying because I found out that both of their parents had passed away and they had no other family. They had been together at Orphanage #4, but then one day Kristina was sent away to a place in Balta; and Alyona then went to Kiliya. They now live about 300 miles away from each other. They have no way to keep in contact so they will lose touch with each other. The letter talked about how Kristina used to take good care of her little sister, always looking out for her. There was such sadness in their eyes, like dark spots that went all the way to their toes. I just can't explain it except to say it was a "mom feeling". If they were closer I could go see them, but they are half way around the world!
When Moisés left for college, after living with us for a year, I swore that I would never, never let my feelings get out of control again; and especially for two girls I would never see, talk to, nor even get to hold! The email described where the girls were; and that it would be very difficult to get letters or packages to them. So how could I even begin to think of caring for them? After all, they were were just "pictures" on my refrigerator. I spent all day struggling not to sit at my desk and stare at their pictures, and not reread the letter to see if I missed something. Anything. By the time Tim got home, I knew I WAS IN BIG TROUBLE. They were "my" girls. God had told me so all day, but I told Him that for once in my life I was not going to "make" this happen. Tim had to fall in love with them and come tell me we had to go bring them home. This time I intended to be the submissive wife. I wanted this to be a GOD thing, not a man thing. As a man thing this might be considered "easy". There clearly would be nothing easy about this. Plus, I had no idea if Tim would even be open to the idea.
I just want to glorify God in all I do. So let the journey begin. I hope you will follow along on the story of our girls. I am sure God will make it a best seller, at least it will be to the Loecher family and to our two new daughters!
Lynn
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